


Through the years

by yashalex



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Childhood, M/M, Neighbors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 19:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yashalex/pseuds/yashalex
Summary: Eliott Demaury wasn’t pretty at all. Too tall. Too skinny. His hair was too messy, his smile was too big, and he was talking a lot. Lucas hated it. He was five years old. Well... maybe he got it wrong after all.





	Through the years

**Author's Note:**

> I began to write it when Elu drought began as I needed to survive. I have no idea what it is, but if you'll like it, I will be happy! Enjoy!

Lucas was five when a new family moved in the flat next door. Everybody was talking about this family, even Lucas’ parents. The Demaury family. Lucas never met them, but his parents were always saying how nice this family was. Lucas wanted to know them too, especially when he found out that there was a child in this family.

«Such an adorable boy.» His mother once said and Lucas wanted to meet him immediately. He wanted them to become friends.

Every time Lucas heard some noises in the hall, he was running to the door to see if he would finally meet the boy. But it was always Mr. or Mrs. Demaury or both but not him. Every time that happened Lucas was running away back in his room disappointed. In the end, he began to think that the boy knew that Lucas was looking for him and was hiding on purpose. That’s how he decided that he didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.

One day their families decided that it would be a great idea to organize a joint dinner. They wanted to give the boys a chance to know each other. But nobody knew that Lucas had no intentions to speak to the boy, he was still angry at him. Of course, the boy knew nothing about this and as soon as he entered the flat he ran towards Lucas and extended a hand.

«Eliott, » the boy smiled widely and looking at Lucas with his big bright eyes. Lucas didn’t say anything back and the boy decided to explain himself. «I’m Eliott. » He was still holding his hand, and Lucas still wasn’t responding.

«Lucas, shake Eliott’s hand. Don’t be rude. » Lucas’ father said, feeling awkward. But Lucas didn’t react. He took a few steps back and hid behind his mother. The boy, Eliott, frowned and look at his parents confused.

«That’s alright,» his mother said and smiled. «They have plenty of time to get to know each other.»

But at dinner, Lucas’ attitude didn’t change either. Despite all the attempts of the boy to speak with him, he didn’t pay to him any attention. He was still angry, and it's gotten even worse when his mother began asking about Eliott a lot. She even said once he was a very pretty boy and then Lucas was mad at her too. He was her pretty boy and not some Eliott. And he wasn’t pretty at all. Too tall. Too skinny. His hair was too messy, his smile was too big, and he was talking a lot. Lucas hated it.

«Lucas likes drawing too!» His mother said when Mr. Demaury told them about Eliott’s passion for drawing. They were talking about him like he was a real talent, but Lucas was sure that his drawings were ugly.

«That’s true?» Eliott asked, looking at Lucas with enthusiasm.

«No. Drawing is stupid!» He shouted and his dad looked at him disappointed. Lucas knew he would have troubles because of it later, but for now, he had been satisfied with himself.

During the rest of the evening, Eliott didn’t say to him a word. When the Demaury family left, Lucas didn’t even say goodbye. Later he had been punished for a whole week for being so rude and unfriendly with their neighbors. That made him hate Eliott even more.

 

Lucas was eight when his mother decided to take him to the piano lessons. His dad wanted him to become a part of a local football team but his mother was strongly against it. It was too dangerous, and he could get injured there. So it was the piano and Lucas didn’t have a word in this discussion. Actually, he wouldn't really mind that if only there wasn't one problem: the lessons took place at the same studio where Eliott had his drawings lessons. And as it was far away from the house, sometimes his parents were asking Eliott to walk with him there and back. It didn’t happen really often, as their schedules differed but when it happened Lucas hated it.

They never managed to become friends. Lucas didn’t want to and Eliott gave up trying. Lucas’ mother tried to find out the reason behind Lucas’ attitude, but he couldn’t understand how it wasn’t obvious? This boy was an idiot but nobody apart Lucas saw it. One day he and his friends turned some shitty music on and began to dance stupid dances at the street. It was a hot evening, and Lucas’ window was open, and he heard it. It was distracting him from his homework, but when he told his parents about it, they've only laughed.

«One of his friends has some good moves.» His dad noticed, and that was the only thing he did because the perfect Eliott Demaury could do no wrong. His dancing friend was called Sofiane by the way. Lucas knew it because he saw him and Eliott together a lot.

«What are you thinking of?» Eliott asked him once while they were going home from the studio. Usually, they didn’t speak at all. But sometimes Eliott tried, probably he was too bored with the silence.

«Nothing,» Lucas gave him his ordinary answer, and Eliott nodded like he knew that was the end of their conversation for today. But this time Lucas didn’t actually feel like being silent because he wanted to share what he'd experienced during his lesson. «My teacher played a very beautiful melody today.»

«Really?» Eliott asked being more surprised with the fact that Lucas said something. But Lucas didn’t care, he wanted to tell somebody about it, and he knew that his parents wouldn’t listen. His father didn’t care about his piano lessons, and his mother usually was too tired after the work to discuss it with him.

«Yeah. It was very beautiful. I asked him to play it twice. He said it was about love. Now I want to play it one day, but he said it’s too complicated for my age, and I need to learn more to play it. But I’ll do that! I’ll become the best just to play it!» Lucas was smiling all the way while he was telling this. He couldn’t stop his excitement. The magic music was still playing on his mind.

«And how is it called?» Eliott asked. He sounded like he was really interested in it. And Lucas was happy that somebody finally showed a real interest in what he was saying.

«I didn’t ask,» Lucas answered disappointed with himself. How could he not to ask such a simple question? He could find this melody and listen as much as he wanted. «But I’ll ask and I’ll tell you.» He promised and smiled once again.

«No,» Eliott said suddenly, and Lucas’ smile faded. Eliott probably was playing with him, and he didn’t even notice this. Lucas was stupid.

«OK. You managed to fool me.» He said, and he tried not to sound sad, but he was sad. For the first time, he had a feeling like he was ready to give Eliott a chance, but probably it was too naïve of him.

«No,» Eliott repeated and turned Lucas to face him. The boy was still trying to hide the sadness in his eyes. «You won’t tell me how the melody is called because I’d like to be surprised,» he explained, but Lucas still didn’t get him. “I want to make a pact. One day you’ll play this melody to me, and if you play it well then I’ll draw you.» Eliott sounded really excited as if this idea was something really genius.

«Why would I want you to draw me?» Lucas asked having doubts that this pact would benefit them both.

«I don’t know,» Eliott shrugged his shoulders. «But I just want to draw you, when I’ll become a better artist. So deal?» He extended his hand, and Lucas hesitated a couple of minutes, but he really wanted to play this melody, so he took it.

«Deal.» He answered with a smile. He never wanted to continue with his piano lessons as he did at this moment.

  


When Lucas was twelve, Eliott’s got a girlfriend. Lucille.

«They’re such a lovely couple.» Lucas’ mother used to say about them.

Lucas didn’t have an opinion on it. She was alright. And Eliott… well, Eliott was Eliott. According to all the neighbors Eliott was a handsome young man. He was very polite and friendly to everyone. Unlike Lucas. And that definitely didn’t help their relationships. Sometimes they could say «hello» to each other or exchange a couple of useless phrases but nothing more. Besides Eliott quit the studio, and Lucas became old enough to walk home alone. With that their only chance at some kind of conversation went away with that. Somehow Lucas felt that it was his fault, but Eliott was too grown up to be friends with him anyway. He had a lot of cool friends and a girlfriend now.

One day Lucas was sitting on the bench outside of his house and waiting for his best friend, Yann. They were going to go to the cinema, but as usual, Yann was late, but still, Lucas had been waiting. He was looking at the windows of his flat and thinking whatever his parents were arguing again or not when Lucille and Eliott came out of the building.

«What time will Sofiane come? » The girl asked. Eliott shrugged his shoulders, not leaving his eyes off the phone. «Hi, Lucas!» She smiled at the boy, and he wished she didn’t do it as it immediately attracted Eliott’s attention.

«Hi,» Lucas said to both, hoping it would be the end of the conversation.

«What are you doing here?» Lucille asked, probably because she was bored. Eliott clearly didn’t give her enough attention. Like it was a Lucas’ problem.

«Waiting for Yann. He’s running late.» He gave a short answer and turned his head away from them. But that wasn’t a great idea either, as he saw Chloe, and she saw him too. As soon as she noticed him, the girl began waving to him and smiling. Chloe was Lucas’ neighbor, a girl who was a year younger than him and who was too clingy. She was always trying to speak to Lucas, and Yann was always laughing at this, and Lucas hated it.

«It looks like she’s happy to see you,» Lucille noted when she followed Lucas’ gaze. «Is it your girlfriend?» She was smiling.

Lucas didn’t have time to answer that it was the stupidest thought ever, as Eliott chuckled at her words. Lucille and Lucas both looked at him confused.

«Are you serious?» Eliott asked his girlfriend, and Lucas didn’t like his tone. At all.

«Yes, and why?» The girl didn’t get what the problem was and Lucas too, but Eliott’s words were making his blood boil.

«He’s twelve! What girl are you talking about?!» Eliott explained, laughing, and Lucille rolled her eyes at him.

«So I can’t have a girlfriend?!» Lucas asked unsatisfied.

«Of course, you can,» Eliott was smiling at him, and Lucas really didn’t understand what was making him so happy. «But you need to grow up first.»

«Well, he’s probably right.” Lucille agreed with her boyfriend, and that wasn’t surprising at all. Eliott Demaury couldn’t be wrong.

Luckily to Lucas Eliott’s friend, Sofiane, came to the building, and Lucille went to him. She didn’t even say goodbye. But Eliott was still staying on his place looking at Lucas. That was irritating.

«What?» The younger boy asked angrily.

«I’m just thinking,» Eliott said like it explained everything. «That won’t be necessary a girl though, yeah?» He winked at Lucas, and that confused Lucas even more. But he had no chance to ask what he’d meant because the older boy went to Sofiane and Lucille. Still, his words couldn’t leave Lucas’s head for a very long time.

 

Lucas was fourteen when the family problems became too much for him. His parents were constantly fighting over the smallest things. Too late came. Too little earned. Too bad cooked. Too many words have been said. One wrong step from one of them and the catastrophe struck their house. It was like everything irritated them in each other, and they were living just to suffer through it. Lucas didn’t really remember when this moment came, but one day his loving family fell apart and it’s never been the same since. He didn’t know the reason, but he could guess. It was always the problem if the man was stopped coming home for the night, right?

Usually, when all the nightmare began, Lucas used to lock in his room, put on his headphones and pretend like everything was OK. Sometimes he went to Yann’s house, his parents understood, but they didn’t say anything. Lucas was grateful, but sometimes he couldn’t stand their pity. And his room wasn’t always a safe place for him. At those moments he was just leaving and wandering around the town until the lights of his flat went off. When his parents were at each other’s throats they rarely remembered that there was someone else in their family, and it hurt.

One day he spent three hours walking on the streets just to come back and see the lights were still on. He was tired, and he wanted to sleep, but he didn’t want to risk. He didn’t want to go there and listen to all the awful stuff which his parents were saying to each other. Every ugly word of his father or mother was destroying in him a tiny hope that everything will be alright soon. It was naïve, but he wanted to believe in it so much, that his family will stay together. And that evening so he stayed at the street. He sat at the bench looking at the windows trying not to burst into tears. That's already become a usual routine for him.

«What are you doing here?” Lucas heard Eliott’s voice. He was coming back home and stopped near the bench facing Lucas.

«Just sitting.» The boy answered, and he knew that it was a bullshit answer. Of course, Eliott didn’t buy it. It would have been stupid of him.

«Problems at home?» Of course, Eliott knew. The whole house knew about what was going on behind the closed doors of the Lallemants. And Eliott was their closest neighbor. Probably he’s heard some juicy pieces from Lucas’ parent’s fights.

«Don’t wanna talk about it,» Lucas admitted because he was too tired of his family drama.

«OK.»

Lucas expected for Eliott to walk away, but he didn’t, instead, he asked quite a weird question. «Do you wanna run away?»

«Sometimes, yes.» Lucas was sure that it was a rhetorical question, but he was honest with his answer. Recently he was thinking a lot about running away, he really considered it as some kind of variant, but he was too young and too cowardly for it.

«Great!» Eliott exclaimed, and a smile appeared on his face. He grabbed Lucas’ hand, who was quite confused with the older boy action, and said: «Let's run away then!»

And they run. They were laughing and running, and Lucas had no idea what was happening but it was the first time he was sincerely laughing in ages. Lucas finally felt himself free, like all the problems in the home didn’t exist anymore. He was just a child who had no worries in his life, and who was running to face new adventures with the most unexpected companion ever.

«This place is called «La Petite Ceinture»». Eliott said while they were walking along the dark path of the unknown to Lucas park. He’s never been here, and he definitely hasn’t heard about this place before.

It was late, so Eliott turned the light on his phone, and Lucas’ phone’s died, so it was the only light they had. Part of Lucas was a little bit of scared of the surroundings, but for some reason, Eliott’s presence had a calming effect on him.

«Do you come here often?» Lucas asked him.

«Yeah. I like coming here to think and to be alone.» Eliott was looking around constantly, and Lucas could feel in his voice how much he adored this place.

«Why did you bring me here then?» That was an obvious question as this place seemed really special for Eliott, and Lucas could ruin the magic with his presence.

«Because right now you need this place more than me,» Eliott explained, and Lucas frowned. It still had no sense.

«Then you need to leave for me to be here alone, right?» He looked at Eliott half smirking, and Eliott smirked in return.

«Well, I can do that, but then you’d be left without this…» He pointed out to the phone with the light in his hand. «And you already look scared enough to leave you here alone without light.»

«I’m not scared!» Lucas argued, and Eliott raised his eyebrows playfully.

«Aren’t you?» He asked.

«Yes. I’m not scared.» And though it wasn’t the truth, he didn’t want Eliott to see his fear. He didn’t want to give him satisfaction. But Eliott wasn’t ready to let it go either. Suddenly the light disappeared and Eliott too. «Eliott?» Luca called for his neighbor, but there was no response.

In his head, Lucas knew that Eliott was playing with him, trying to prove the point, but it didn’t stop the panic in Lucas’ chest from rising. He didn’t see anything apart from the darkness, which was the only thing that surrounded him now. He couldn’t even see his hands or path on which he was staying. He had no idea in which side he needed to go just to be saved from this darkness. And the noise of the wind which was shaking the trees didn’t make it easy for him. So knew that he had no other choice but drop the act.

«OK!» He's shouted because he had no idea how far away Eliott was from him now. «Maybe I’m a little bit scared.» He admitted, and right this moment the light appeared again. And Eliott too. He was standing a little further under the old bridge and smiling satisfied. Lucas hated that the older boy had won, but still he hurried to join him not to lose the light again.

Surprisingly when Lucas came closer there were no snarky remarks on the situation from Eliott, he just turned around and lightened the place under the bridge. This place looked very abandoned like people didn’t know about its existence at all, but the strangest thing was that trestleworks of the bridge were covered with different kinds of painting. And it wasn’t hard to understand who was the author.

«So you gave up the studio for this?» Lucas asked looking at the strange silhouettes and writings. There was a little he really could see because it was still dark, but he noticed that there were a lot of small drawings of one animal which was drawn in black and blue color.

«Is it a badger?» He asked, having looked at Eliott, and the guy’s face changed like he was really offended with his words.

«You think it’s a badger?» He asked, having come closer. «It’s a raccoon. It’s my spirit animal.»

Lucas looked at him surprised. That was one of the weirdest things he’d ever heard from him.

«Do you have a spirit animal?»

«Raccoons are really cool. And they wear a mask.” Eliott made a strange gesture with his fingers, and Lucas couldn’t hold a smile.

«So what are we doing now?»

«Well, we'll just sit here in the silence.» Eliott shrugged his shoulders and sat right on the ground waiting for Lucas to join him. It was a really odd thing to do, but Lucas followed him, despite the ground being dirty and quite cold. But he trusted Eliott on this, he didn’t know why, but he did, so he sat beside him. And they really didn’t say a word that night anymore. They were just sitting and staring in front of them. Sometimes Lucas felt Eliott’s eyes on him, and there were moments when he couldn’t but glance at him. Eliott felt it, Lucas was sure of it, but he still didn’t say anything. Lucas didn’t even know how long they were sitting there, but he was aware of only two things: that was strange as hell, and he never felt so relaxed before. He never wanted to leave this place.

 

Lucas was fifteen when a cruel word «divorce» came into their house and his dad packed his backs and left.

«It’s not a life. I can’t do this anymore.» It was his only explanation but Lucas knew that it was the only way out of the situation for his parents. It’s got too complicated to handle this in another way.

He stayed with his mother, though his father didn’t really offer his son to go with him, still, he would choose his mother anyway. She was really fragile at the moment, and he was seriously worried about her. The woman began to act strangely. She could laugh without any reason and then just start crying out of blue. She was often telling Lucas off for his smallest mistakes. One day he forgot to say that he would come to Yann after school, and she couldn’t forget about it for a whole week, having been calling him ungrateful. But there were days when she couldn’t stop hugging and kissing him, telling him how precious he was and how lucky she was to have him. Such changes in the mood were scary at first, but in time he got used to it and learned to live with her. Though it was really hard sometimes.

One day he was coming back home from school when he realized that he’s left his keys somewhere. And he didn’t really care about it as he had a habit to lose his things. He was sure that his mother was at home so it wouldn’t be a problem to get into the flat. But when there was no response on his knocking he started worried. His mum always warned him when she was leaving because he made her do it, and she was always telling him where she was going to, but she said nothing this morning. She quit her job several weeks ago because she clearly couldn’t handle it and Lucas’ father money was enough for them until she gets better. She rarely left the house. But when she did she always warned Lucas. And that’s why he began freaking out after five minutes of knocking and getting no response.

«Fuck!» He shouted and probably it was too loud as the door opened behind him. And he was begging for it not being Mr. and Mrs. Demaury, he really didn’t want them to see him like this. But luckily for him, it was Eliott, who was standing in the black, T-shirt and gray trousers.

«Lucas? What’s wrong?» He asked, looking at Lucas intensively.

«Why are you home? Aren’t you supposed to be at school?» Lucas asked surprised.

Though he and Eliott attended different schools, he still knew about Eliott’s classes as he had them together with Sofiane, and the boy was madly in love with Lucas’ friend Imane. Sofiane had a habit of telling her everything, even about his classes. That was crazy, but Imane seemed into him a lot too, so that was alright. She shared a lot of things with Lucas as he was one of her best mates (thank Biology classes for this). And he loved it as it was getting him at least some information about Eliott because he was interested, a lot. And he knew for a fact that Eliott was at shool in the morning.

After their silent evening at the old park, something changed and Lucas couldn’t ignore it. No, they didn’t become the best buddies, they didn’t begin to spend a lot of time together, and they were still living in different worlds, but still, something wasn’t the same anymore. Every time they met Eliott gave him one of his mysterious smiles which Lucas never saw before. He was smiling and looking at him like they had some sort of secret though it wasn’t even close to that. They just spent one good silent evening together and that was it, but he felt like it wasn’t totally the truth too. And he had one reason to think that: he couldn’t but smile back at him. But that wasn’t like that now. The situation was different.

«I felt bad so went home earlier,» Eliott explained, and it was obvious that he was telling the truth. He looked really exhausted. «And what’s going on here?»

«I have no idea where are my keys and my mum isn’t home, so the situation is quite stressing.» Lucas tried to smile but failed.

«She’s with my mum. They decided to go shopping together,» Eliott said and Lucas’ felt like a weight’s been lifted. He let out a breath of relief. «And what are you going to do now? I’m not sure when they will come back.»

The truth was Lucas had no idea what to do in this situation, but it didn’t bother him anymore as long as he knew that his mother wasn’t under any kind of danger. He knew that Mrs. Demaury’d look after her.

«Don’t know,» he shrugged his shoulders. «Probably I’ll go and meet with one of my mates at his.» Probably it would be Yann. And he didn’t want to bother him right now, but he didn’t really have a choice, didn’t he?

«Or you could go and wait at mine,» Eliott suggested, having raised an eyebrow. Lucas didn’t see it coming at all.

«Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.» Lucas meant it. Perhaps Eliott was just too polite, and he didn’t really want it, but at the situation, he had no other choice otherwise he would look rude. Lucas didn’t want it to be the reasoning behind his action.

«I’m sure.» It was Eliott answer and somehow it was enough.

In no time they were sitting on the couch of Eliott’s room, listening to dubstep. The music was already on when Lucas came in, and he didn’t mind at all because it was clear that Eliott enjoyed it a lot. It was visible from the way he was shaking his head at every bit. And Lucas really thought that dubstep music was dead a long time ago but when he saw a phonograph and the collection of vinyl records in the guy's room there have been no questions left.

Eliott lighted a joint and made a puff and… that was hot. As much as Lucas didn’t want to admit it, that was really really hot. And these were the thoughts Lucas was really scared of. And the fact he couldn’t stop looking at Eliott’s lips while the smoke was escaping them wasn’t a good sign either. Lucas had to gulp to get rid of the thought. If only it would be so easy.

“Do you want?» Eliott offered him a joint and Lucas accepted it. And he didn’t take it because he wanted it, he took it because Eliott’s lips were touching it, and he just couldn’t resist.

He took a smoke in, and the relaxing affected followed shortly after that. He got used to it, he and Yann often met just to sit and smoke especially when life became too much for both of them. Lucas had his mother and Yann had Emma. Yeah, Emma and Yann were just teenagers, but they had grown-up problems and now their relationship was falling apart. But it was written «a problem» all over it when their thing began. Emma was the best friend of Yann’s girlfriend and when they hook up it was meant to be ended in disaster. It was karma how some people call it. Of course, Lucas would never tell his friend his real opinion on the situation, as he knew how much Emma meant to him but also he knew that their break up was something inevitable. And Yann’s heart would be crashed soon.

«Have you ever been heartbroken?» Lucas asked Eliott thinking about Yann and Emma. Eliott was older than them and probably he had a bigger experience.

«Yeah,» Eliott whispered and turned his head to Lucas.

«And how did you manage to go through it?»  Lucas turned his head to Eliott too and suddenly they were too close to each other. Lucas tried not to think about it too much.

«I gave a person who I liked some space,» Eliott smiled, probably at the memories of the person he was talking about. «But I was just a kid, so I probably can’t call myself an expert.»

«Your heart was broken when you were a kid? Seriously?» Lucas laughed, having returned Eliott a joint. Eliott nodded his head.

«Yes. But I don’t want to talk about it. The wound is still row,» He said and after several seconds of silence, they burst into laughter. Lucas wasn’t sure if that was a weed effect, but he suddenly felt really calm. And he didn’t want to lose this feeling. «And why are you asking? Someone broke your heart?»

«Nah. Yann and his girlfriend have some problems and I’m just thinking about how I can help in the worst case scenario,» Lucas explained and Eliott nodded his head understandingly.

«That’s very nice of you,» He noted. «And what about you? Do you have a girlfriend?» Eliott was looking at Lucas with an obvious interest in his eyes, but that wasn’t the topic the boy wanted to discuss. Not with Eliott, who had been on his mind pretty much lately.

«No. I prefer to be alone,» Lucas answered avoiding Eliott’s gaze and trying to find anything that could help him to change the topic. And he found it. «Is it what I think it is?» He stood up and came to the brawn piano which was standing in the corner of the room. How he didn’t notice it straight away?

«It’s from the old flat. My mother used to play a lot but when we moved here the only thing it’s doing is the collection the dust. And it fits in the interior.» Eliott’s eyes were following every Lucas’ movement.

«May I?» Lucas asked and Eliott nodded his head.

Lucas sat, opened the piano and lay his hand on the keys. It was strange to feel them again. As soon as his family drama began his lessons came to the end. He didn’t have any energy for it. He never thought that he’d missed it. Sometimes Lucas didn’t even remember that he was playing the instrument once. It seemed like it was in a different life when everything was fine, and he was still a child. He missed those times when his mind didn’t know any problems. And as soon as he touched the keys he realized that he really missed it, so he began to play.

His eyes were closed. And his fingers were moving fast on the keys without him being in control. He didn't have to think about what and how he was doing it because it was that melody from the past. The only melody he remembered. The only melody he wanted to remember. The one who got into his heart and never left it. The one he couldn’t stop thinking about. The one he hated so much because he couldn’t play it but still loved it with all his heart. The one who took so many hours of his life just for him to learn to play it. He tried, tried and tried and when he finally succeeded no one was there to listen. And he gave up. But now through all these years, he was playing it again. And he was feeling so much warmth and power and emotions that he can barely hold his tears. Still, the most important thing was that this time someone was listening to him. And he had no doubt in his mind that Eliott had been listening to him.

When Lucas finished he had no idea whatever it was bad a good, he just felt happiness. And the fact that it’s wasn’t the first time he was feeling this way in Eliott’s company made his heart beat even faster.

“It was amazing,» Lucas’s heard Eliott’s voice and it made him smile. He wanted to hear it from Eliott. He wanted him to like it. «Was that the melody you were talking about several years ago?»

«Do you remember about it?» Lucas turned to him not even trying to hide his shock. How could Eliott remember about something so childish and stupid? They were both children then and Lucas really expected Eliott to forget about it.

«Of course, I remember.» Eliott smiled and that was the smile which was making Lucas’ heart melting. And that was not good at all. And as if Eliott’s been reading Lucas’ mind he continued. «But you can’t change the topic like that and think that I won’t notice. So tell me, Lucas Lallement, why you, a teenager, don’t wanna be in relationships?»

Lucas let out a breath. Probably Eliott was too invested in the topic to let it go. And Lucas didn’t really see a point to avoid the theme further. He was sure that Eliott won’t leave him alone on this.

«Well look at my parents,» Lucas turned to Eliott with all his body. “They were crazy in love. Before and after me. They were each other's everything and then suddenly it changed. And it changed my dad and my mum. They’re not the same people anymore. Father became cruel and mother’s just going crazy not even realizing it. And look at Emma and Yann. At first, it was perfect, but then Emma went mental with her jealousy and Yann is going mad because of it too and as the result was it worth it? I don’t think so.» Lucas really hoped that his words have any sense because in his head it all was very messy, but he really wanted Eliott to understand.

«So you’re telling that love makes people crazy?» Eliott elaborated. He looked really serious.

«Yeah, kind of,» Lucas shrugged his shoulders. «I just don’t want any craziness in my life. One thing is my mother but it’s absolutely another thing is to choose voluntarily to suffer like that. Do you understand?»

«Yeah. I guess, I do.» Eliott answered with a weak smile which didn’t reach his eyes as it usually did. Lucas noticed it, and he understood straight away that he definitely said something wrong. He didn’t know the reason behind Eliott’s sudden change of mood, but he felt guilty. And he really wanted to fix the situation, but he had lost all the chances for that because their mothers returned and the moment was ruined.

They said each other their goodbyes, Lucas thanked Eliott for letting him sit with and Eliott thanked him for a good company. Their mothers, God bless their souls, pretended like they didn’t feel the smell of smoke and weed on them, and then Lucas left. He had no idea about what’s happened at the end of this quite cool evening but one thing he knew for sure: while he was talking about not wanting relationships he was falling for Eliott, and he was falling hard.

 

Lucas was sixteen when he began to lose control over the situation with his mum. She became too uncontrollable and unpredictable for Lucas to handle her. Her breakdowns took a permanent place in Lucas’ life. She could scream all day long just because she was feeling like it, or she just could sit and stare at the wall not saying a word. There were times when she began to read the prayer in an attempt to drive off the devil out of their flat and at these times Lucas used to run away. It was too much for him. But he never ran far away. The bench near the house was always his point of destination as he didn’t really want to leave her alone for so long. Everything could happen.

At one of such evenings, when his mother saw a darkness in his soul again, he took his jacket and left the flat giving her time to finish her «ritual» alone. That was scary how much he got used to it. And not only him. All his neighbors knew about the situation in their family: some of them began to look weird at them, some of them began to avoid their family and some of them tried to help. Mrs. Demaury always tried to help. And this evening she joined him at the bench when she saw him leaving.

«Lucas, how many times did I tell you that you always can come to us if it would be too hard? It’ freezing here and you can get ill.» She said in her warm and caring tone. She reminded him of his mum when she wasn’t ill.

«I don’t want to intrude. Me and my problems… I don’t want to bring this to your house.»

Mrs. Demaury was one of the kindest women Lucas knew. She was really close to his mother, and she did everything she could to support Lucas when he needed it. But he didn’t want to take advantage of her kindness. In fact, he was sure that their family had their own problems to deal with. There was nothing concrete, just presumptions. In the last years, Mr. and Mrs. Demaury changed a lot. Most of the time they look very exhausted and Mrs. Demaury lost a lot of weight, her eyes were often puffed and red like she’s been crying non-stop. Mr. Demaury also acted strangely, he's become less talkative and more thoughtful. He didn’t smile as much as he did before. In some way, he reminded Lucas himself after his mother situation. He looked lost. And the only reason Lucas could think of was Eliott. The thing is that for the past year Lucas almost didn’t see him. He knew that he’d left for a couple of months (and nobody said where) but when he came back nothing’s really changed. As if he was invisible. And during that rare moment when they did meet Eliott acted really cold with Lucas and every dream of Lucas that they had some kind bond has been crushed. And that was painful to realize. Especially when he only began to understand what was going on in his head and in his heart. But he was just stupid and naïve. And Eliott still had Lucille. And though Lucas suggested that Eliott’s parent’s state was somehow connected to their son, after a couple of cold meetings with the guy he decided that it wasn’t his place to interfere and never will be.

«We’re always happy to have you!» The women protested, but Lucas knew that it wasn’t the whole truth. He knew that with Eliott’s attitude now he won’t be happy to see Lucas in his flat. And that was one of the reasons Lucas never accepted Mrs. Demaury’s offer.

«I have no idea what to do,» Lucas decided to change the subject secretly looking for the advice of an adult. He was only 16, and he didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. His father didn’t help either. His only input was sending them money once in a month, but he didn’t want to hear anything about Lucas’ mother. Lucas hated him for it, but he couldn’t change anything. He had to accept the reality as it was: he was alone in this. «She’s getting worse and worse and I think that she’s on her way to losing her mind. I think she really needs a doctor but…»

««But» what, Lucas?» Lucas could feel pity Mrs. Demaury was feeling towards him.

«If the doctor confirms it, that will be it. She would become an officially crazy and…» Lucas took a deep breath, trying to hold his tears but that was an impossible thing to do. «I won’t have anyone anymore.» He admitted his main fear.

«Oh, Lucas.» Mrs. Demaury tried to hug him, but he didn’t give her a chance.

«No, please, don’t,» he pleaded and she listened. «I just need to know what I need to do and what’s best for my mum. But I don’t know where to start…» Lucas knew that he sounded desperate, but he was desperate. 

«We’ll go and see some doctors tomorrow, and we’d deal with step by step.» The women assured him with her calming voice.

«I don’t want to…» Lucas began but Mrs. Demaury didn’t let him finish.

«I don’t care what you want. I want to help you and your mother and I will do it, do you understand?» She sounded dead serious and Lucas didn’t risk arguing with her. She was a grown-up woman and it was her decision and… he was really grateful for it.

«OK but if she would be confirmed as crazy then what would I do? I’m really not sure that I would be able to deal with this.» Lucas voiced his fears. He didn’t even think about the possible diagnosis of his mother, but it was really hard to avoid all the scary thoughts in his head.

«First of all your mother isn’t crazy, she just needs help. And she will get it from us,” Mrs. Demaury answered, sounding very convincingly. Lucas really wanted to believe her. «And secondly despite everything you’ll be with her. And you know why?»

«Why?»

«Because she’s your mother and you love her.» That was the most obvious answer ever, but that was the truth and Lucas nodded his head just to prove it. «If things were different, believe me, she would never leave your side. We all have some hard times and sometimes we think that we haven’t got enough strength or energy to deal with it but if we have love in our hearts…» She put her hand on Lucas chest, where the heart was. «We could go through everything. And don’t you ever dare to forget about this, OK?» She was so sincere that Lucas couldn’t hold back and hugged her.

«Thank you.» He whispered. «Thank you so much.»

Lucas finally felt hope again.

 

Lucas was seventeen when the night he’ll never forget happened.

That was a quiet night. He was lying in his bed after one of the best days he had in years. He spent it with his mum. They were walking around the city all day long chatting about everything. Lucas finally found the courage to tell her about himself, and she accepted him. He told her that he was gay, and she hugged him and told him that nothing will ever stop her from loving him. He couldn’t hold his tears. He was finally happy.

With every day his mother was getting better and better. She still was on her medicines, and she visited doctors and her psychologist a lot, but she was becoming herself. Now she was smiling and laughing again. His mother was alive again, and Lucas enjoyed every moment of it.

So that was the night he was happy as never before and such amount of emotions was the reason why he couldn’t fell asleep. He couldn’t stop smiling. He spent hours in his bed just turning from one side to another, but he wasn’t even close to being sleepy. Besides, that was really hot in his room. It was impossible to stand the heat, so he went to the window and opened it. And that was the moment he saw a silhouette on the street. A silhouette he knew too well.

«Eliott?» He asked himself, looking at the man and only in couples of minutes realizing that there was nothing apart from the boxers on him. «What the f… Eliott!» He screamed out of the window but Eliott didn’t react. «Eliott!» He tried once again but still, there was no reaction. And when Eliott began to walk away from the house Lucas knew that he needed to act fast. He knew that Eliott’s parents were planning to go to the restaurant that night, and there was no point to run to their flat. So he put some clothes on, grabbed some of his things for Eliott and run downstairs as fast as it was possible.

It was dark on the street but Eliott didn’t go too far away, being distracted by something on the ground. That was a relief. Lucas ran towards him.

«Eliott!» He called for the man when he approached him. But Eliott didn’t respond. He was too busy with something that he picked up from the ground. Lucas couldn’t see what it was but that wasn’t his biggest desire at the moment. He just wanted Eliott to come back home.

«Eliott, please look at me!» Lucas pleaded and the tears came to his eyes. And that’s finally got Eliott’s attention.

«Lucas!» Eliott exclaimed and a wide grin appeared on his face. «I’m so happy that you’re here! Look who I found!» Eliott stretched his arms and Lucas saw that it was a little hedgehog he was holding. «He’s beautiful, right?» Eliott asked. He was shaking with excitement and that didn’t look natural at all. And Lucas knew that Eliott really needed to come back home. He was still standing almost naked on the street.

«Yes, but right now I need you to put this on…» He gave him the gray hoodie he grabbed earlier. Probably it would be too small to him but it’s still something. «And I need you to go with me.»

«But I just wanted to go for a walk! This evening is so nice, isn’t it?» Eliott was still smiling in a way that really scared Lucas. He never saw Eliott like this before, and he had no clue what that was.

«Yes, but I want you to go home with me because…» Lucas tried to find a reason which will be good enough for Eliott to listen. But Eliott gave it himself.

«Will you play the piano for me?» He was looking at Lucas with eyes full of hope.

«Yeah, of course. Just put this on and come with me.»

Finally, Eliott obeyed. He gave a hedgehog to Lucas while he was putting on the hoodie and Lucas didn’t really get what was so special in this animal. But in Eliott’s state, it wasn’t really surprising that he found something so simple so exciting.

While they were on their way home Eliott was quite jumpy constantly smiling and looking at Lucas and at the hedgehog in his hands.

«Now I can have something that I can’t have, do you understand?» He asked and Lucas nodded. He really had no idea what the guy was talking about. «Well it’s not an original version but I still can love it. And maybe it will love me too. Raccoon and hedgehog… and I thought that it’d be only in my fantasies!»

Eliott was talking about this hedgehog a lot, and when they entered Eliott’s flat which he, of course, didn’t even lock, he went to show his new pet his room and Lucas began to look for Eliott’s parent’s number. Luckily Eliott’s phone was on the charger in the living room, and he phoned his mum. When he told her what’s happened he could hear a real panic in her voice when she was begging him to keep an eye on him while they were driving home. Of course, he promised her that. He would never leave Elliott in this state alone.

When Lucas entered the room Eliott was still busy with his hedgehog as if he’d forgotten about the reason why he agreed to come back. Probably it was to the best. Since the last time, Lucas was there Eliott’s room didn’t really change. The only difference was that the wall was covered with different drawings now. And Lucas was surprised to see that it was mainly pictures of raccoon and hedgehog together. Every picture had a caption «Fantasy 1», «Fantasy 2» and so on. But there were some drawings with the only hedgehog. The hedgehog sitting on the bench. The hedgehog playing on the piano. Upset hedgehog sitting at the table. A scared hedgehog standing under the bridge. A hedgehog with a cap and hoodie with «Romance» written on it. The hoodie which was now on Eliott. The hoodie which Lucas wear last week with his cap. And it struck him. It wasn’t just a hedgehog. It was him.

 

In a week Lucas knew about bipolarity everything. At least he read everything that he could find. When Eliott’s parents arrived they had no other choice but to tell him the truth. And at this moment some pieces came together, but it still the news about Eliott’s illness crushed Lucas down. He couldn’t fell asleep that night thinking about everything Eliott and his parents must have gone through. That was terrifying. But Eliott’s state wasn’t the only reason which kept Lucas awake. His realization about him being a hedgehog and the hero of Eliott’s drawings couldn’t leave him alone. Especially when on some of the pictures raccoon was hugging and kissing a little hedgehog. And Lucas knew that Eliott was a raccoon. And he really tried to find a logical explanation of that just not to encourage his dreams and fantasies, especially after everything that happened, but that was simply impossible.

He hadn’t spoken with Eliott since then. He didn’t even see him. Probably the guy hadn’t left the flat since then. When Lucas asked Mrs. Demaury about Eliott she said that he’d been going through a depressed phase now and Lucas knew that there wouldn’t be any point to go and push for the answers. He didn’t want to make Eliott suffer even more. So he decided to give him time. And the whole week had passed.

He was going to meet with Yann, Bazile, and Arthur when he came out on the street and froze. Eliott was sitting on the bench, looking down. Lucas really didn’t expect to see him, and he definitely didn’t know what he should have done next. Of course, he couldn’t just go by and ignore him because he would never forgive himself for it, but he couldn’t think of anything that he could have said or done. Luckily once again Eliott himself became his savior.

«Don’t worry, I won’t take this clothes off and run away. I promise,» he said not lifting his eyes. And Lucas was surprised at the fact that he knew it was him. «I’m sorry. It was stupid.» Eliott continued and this time he looked at Lucas and the younger boy’s heart skipped a bit. He never saw Eliott looking so sad before. Even now Eliott’s eyes were filled with tears, and Lucas knew that it was the effect of his depression phase but it didn’t make it any easier for him to watch it. At this moment Luca really wanted to come and hug Eliott just not to see his sad face, but he knew that he couldn’t do so, so he decided just join him on the bench.

«Well, I’m still offended. I was at your house and all your attention was attracted by the hedgehog. You definitely know how to make the boy feel special.» Lucas tried to joke knowing that the conversation about the weird stuff would make them both feel uncomfortable.

«Well, I was in my boxers and it was you who decided that I need to put some clothes on. That kind of killed the mood,» Eliott joked back and it probably was a good sign. A sign of him slowly coming to being fully himself. «So I guess you saw the drawings?» Eliott’s asked and Lucas was surprised that he brought this theme on.

«Yeah. But I get if you don’t want to talk about it.» He answered honestly, not wanting to push. He could wait. Eliott’s state was far more important now.

«Well, I could only guess how weird it all could have looked, so I think I need to explain.» Eliott insisted and Lucas didn’t protest. Maybe Eliott really needed it.

«My heart was broken twice. When it happened the first time I was just a kid. Seven years old kid. I and my parents just moved into a new flat to start our new life. The very first day I saw out of the window a boy on the bench in a red jacket and with a blue cap. Later I saw him on the street again, he didn’t see me, but I saw him. I didn’t know who he was but I wanted to become his friend. And then my parents told that he was living the next door and I thought that we were meant to be friends, and I was so happy because of it but there was one problem: I was too scared to come to him. I always watched him walking with his parents, playing with his friends, running on the playground on his own, and I was still too scared to come to him. And one day our parents decided to have dinner together, and I was so excited. I was finally going to meet him, to be friends with him. I remember I couldn’t even sleep that night. But when we came my little heart was crushed because not only the boy didn’t want to talk to me, he obviously hated me no matter how much I tried to change it. Secretly I didn’t leave the hope to become friends with him, even if it’d take years. I just had a feeling like that it needed to happen sooner or later. And when our parents suggested that it would be a good idea for us to go to the studio together, I decided that it's our second chance but that didn’t work out. The boy still ignored me most of the time, but he also was the reason why I was still going to that studio. I wanted to use this chance, and we even reached progress once. He told me about one melody he really liked, and he promised to play it to me one day. And I liked to think that he was going to learn it just for me and I thought that was a start of something more. But the years were passing by and nothing really changed. I gave up the studio, and he didn’t. But he didn’t come to play for me, and that was crushing me down because that was the thing I couldn’t forget. He was becoming older and prettier and I noticed that girls were looking at him constantly. But he was only a child. I was a child himself, and I had Lucille but I didn’t even let myself think that this boy can have a girlfriend. Then I thought that the problem was in his age but now I realize that it was simple jealousy. And it was only getting worse as he was getting more prettier and prettier with every day. And his big blue eyes… oh God, every time I saw him I was drowning in them. But that funny thing was that it looked like he didn’t really see it. Like he didn’t see the way girls and some of the boys were looking at him. He didn’t see the way I looked at him. He was too occupied with the problems in his family. And it was driving me mad as I had no idea how I could help. I showed him my special place once where I usually came just to think about him. I wanted him to smile. I didn’t want to see him suffer. I wanted to give him a piece I knew he needed. But that obviously wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to push, so I’ve been waiting, waiting for the opportunity to take my chance and risk with everything, and I was so close to it, so close but that was the moment my heart was broken by him again. I’ve known about my bipolarity for a year then, that was hard to accept and understand, especially to my parents. I saw so many doctors, I visited so many clinics but there was no cure. That was the part of me I could never get rid of. But till a certain moment, I never thought that it could affect my dreams about this boy. But he said that he didn’t need craziness in his life and I knew that it was over. And that was right. He’d be better without me. He suffered so much with his mum, but he was so strong for her and I admired him for that, but I couldn't make him live through it over and over again. So I had to leave him alone.  I even left to my grandparents just not to see him. But in the end, I realized that I couldn’t live not seeing him every day. And I returned but I still had to avoid him. That was so fucking hard. His sad puppy eyes when I ignored him or was cold with him. I could feel how much my actions offended him and I wanted to say to him that it all was a mistake and apologize for everything but I couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin his life. And it worked. This beautiful strong boy went through the most awful part of his life, helped his mother and became happy by being himself. I was so happy for him despite me being left with my fantasies and broken hopes.»

When Eliott finished Lucas had no words to say. He was too stunned right now. All this time while Lucas being childish and stupid Eliott's wanted only one thing: to know him. And Lucas couldn’t give him that and why? He didn’t even know.

«I think the boy was really stupid,» he said trying to find the right words to explain his behavior. If only he could understand it himself. «He wanted all the attention to himself and then that charming, clever and talented boy appeared and took it all away. And I think he really wanted to be friends with you, but his silly and childish pride couldn’t let him. I think that he’s really sorry.» Lucas admitted, hoping Eliott to see where he was getting to.

«Do you think he would change anything if he could?» Eliott asked and Lucas already knew the answer.

«Nah.» He shook his head and Eliott looked at him confused. «I think that there are a thousand parallel universes when the boy wasn’t a prick and you and he became good friends at the end. Maybe some of them are happy now and living their best lives and having no worries.»

«That sounds nice,» Eliott said, having smiled dreamily.

«Yeah. But there are other parallel universes when you never moved into your new flat or he never lived there and you never had a chance to meet. Somewhere there is Eliott who will never meet the boy. Can you imagine?»

«That sounds awful.» Eliott turned to Lucas and they smiled at each other.

«Exactly. But you know this boy, and he knows you, and though you didn’t manage to become friends when you were kids I have a feeling that now it would be really hard for you to get rid of him.» Lucas whispered.

«That works for me, but your theory about parallel universes still isn’t working for me,» Eliott admitted and Lucas was intrigued.

«Why is that?» He asked and Eliott gave him the answer of his dreams.

«There is no possibility for Eliott not to know the boy because he would find his Lucas anywhere.»

And finally, the boy has got a name.

 

They met again in the evening.

«I have something for you,» Eliott said and lead Lucas in the direction of the place where they’ve already been. They were going to «La Petite Ceinture».

Lucas was excited but also he felt nervous. After their early conversation, he couldn’t come to his senses. He couldn’t believe that it all really happened. That this conversation actually happened between him and Eliott. He was afraid that it all was just his imagination, and he started seeing things, but when Eliott came to take him for a walk he had no doubts that it all was real. Eliott was looking better now, healthier, and he was smiling again. That was enough for Lucas to begin smile too.

This time at the park they went further and though it was quite dark Lucas wasn’t afraid anymore. Strangely he felt safe being near Eliott and he knew that the older guy won’t let anything happen to him.

They come to the old, partly ruined concrete wall which was covered with the moss and dirt but its center was clean of it.  And the reason for it was obvious. Lucas saw a big hedgehog in the middle with a blue cap on his head. That wasn’t a scetch which Lucas saw in Eliott’s flat, that was a really big drawing in colors. The hedgehog was looking forward and there were thousands of little stars which surrounded him. That was breathtaking.

 «I owned you a drawing, didn’t I?» Eliott said. «I began to work at it the night you played for me. Back then I knew that there’s no chance for us and I wanted to make something that could at least remind me of you. I knew that you were hedgehog right from the start because you couldn’t stop pricking me. But those little paintings I used to draw wasn’t enough. You deserved something bigger, something more meaningful. And here we are.»

«I’m not going anywhere.» Lucas felt the urge to say it. He didn’t like the tone like Eliott was still thinking that there wasn’t them. They were. And now Lucas was sure in it as never.

«I’m not showing it just to make you stay. I’m showing it to you to show that you deserve so much more in this world. You deserve all the stars,» now both Eliott and Lucas were looking at each other. Eliott’s eyes became sad again and Lucas wanted to shake the man to stop it. He didn’t want to see this state of him again. Not now. «And I won’t be able to give you them. I’ve fucked up already a big time…» The first drops of rain which weren’t even promised tonight landed on their face, but they didn’t care. «And I will fuck up again. Ask my parents and Lucille, they will tell you all about it. The fact is I can’t stop or control it, I will be angry and sometimes I’ll be sad, sometimes I’m going to sleep for a whole week and keep silent. I ll make you feel like you don’t matter, and I’ll make you believe in it, though it just can’t be true. But this is me. And you don’t need me.» Eliott finished and the rain began. But both of them didn’t move.

«Are you finished?» Lucas said calmly and Eliott nodded his head surprised like that wasn’t the response he expected. «Good because now I can finally do that.»

And Lucas made the boldest move in his life. He rushed to Eliott and kissed him. And as soon as their lips met he knew that it was the rightest thing he did in his life. His lips belonged to Eliott’s and there were no doubts about it now. And Eliott’s knew it too. He didn’t push Lucas away as he could but pull him even closer grabbing Lucas’s face with his hands. The sweet of Eliott’s lips. The warmth of his touches. The softness of his hair. The electricity their bodies radiated.  The heart which was ready to jump out of Lucas' chest. And the rain which had been becoming more forceful with every second so is their kiss. It was everything Lucas was dreaming of and even more. He was living his best moment.

One moment they had to a break just to catch a breath. Their foreheads were touching and big smiles were playing on their faces. At this moment they both were as happy as children who just got what they've been wanting for so long. And that was partly the truth. But it took too much time for Lucas to accept. And suddenly something struck him.

«I love you.» He said and Eliott looked at him stunned, still holding his face. Of course, it shocked him. Lucas could understand it. «That’s how the melody is called. «I love you». I’ve only just remembered.» He explained, and they both laughed crashing their lips once again together. But Lucas was quite sure that it was only the matter of the time when these words would be said by him but not about the song. Because he already knew it and Eliott knew it too, but they had all the minutes in life to talk about it later.

**Author's Note:**

> If you reached the end then I want you to know that you're my hero!  
> Thank you for reading! <3


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